it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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