If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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