I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
