addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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