i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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