Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
