Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
