OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
