Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
