K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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