she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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