You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
