I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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