her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
