he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
