And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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