I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
