All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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