she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
