just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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