he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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