Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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