i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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