well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
