Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
