dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
