his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
