4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
