just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
