i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
