Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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