Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
