Can i not drive my cunt home
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
