ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
