fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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