I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
