dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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