I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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