Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
