Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
