Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
