After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
