So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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