You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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