it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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