Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
