He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
