Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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