Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
