I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
