So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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