There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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