He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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