watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
